Why Some Vampires Rock and Others Just . . . Suck

 
The popularity of vamps in everything from TV and movies to bestselling novels proves that there is a large market only too willing to join the dark side (or at least to read about it) if it is done well.  A common trend in recent years has been to take traditional bad guys, especially vampires, and transform them into the heroes of the story.  But just how does an author write a believable vampire and also make him a compelling protagonist?  Below is our take on how to avoid having your hero suck (other than literally).

First, vampires are not simply humans with extra long teeth.  You cannot take the average romantic lead, slap a pair of fangs on him and call him a vampire.  Or, rather, you can, but readers will understandably feel cheated.  Just how different your hero is depends on how many of the vampire legends you want to use.  There are a boatload (or maybe a coffin-full) of choices.  Among other things, vampires are said to be able to shapeshift into bats, wolves or columns of mist, to defy gravity, to heal unnaturally fast, to be almost impossible to kill, to have extra sharp senses, and, of course, to never age.  Even if only a few of these characteristics are used in a story, they are going to make for an extremely unconventional hero. 

Second, vampires are many-layered, multidimensional characters.  They cannot be written with reactions similar to those of average, 30-ish humans.  Even if they were one, their condition would give them a whole new perspective on things, and that is doubly true of the older versions.  How does a character two, three, or four hundred years old think?  How does he react to the modern world—embrace it or try to avoid it?  How much remains from his early conditioning in a much different time period?  How does he react to a heroine who is decades, if not centuries, his junior, especially if she is human?  And why is he attracted to her in the first place? These are difficult questions, but they have to be addressed if the book is to be believable.

Third, how does your vampire look?  This isn’t a problem if you’re dealing with Stan the modern, twenty-nine year old vampire, but it is more problematic for those centuries old.  For one thing, people in the past tended to be smaller than modern humans.  There were exceptions—the emperor Charlemagne was 6’4”--but the average was closer to a foot shorter.  That was especially true if your vamp used to be a peasant, who probably didn’t see meat more than half a dozen times a year if he was lucky.  Nobles had more protein, but even they were rarely the 6’+ of the average romantic hero.  Vlad Dracul himself, the Dracula of legend, was described by a visitor to his court as “not very tall.”  Considering the standards of the day, that may indicate that the terror of old Romania was 5’4” or less.  That doesn’t mean that your hero has to be short, but he’s unlikely to tower over modern men, either.

Fourth, the vamp has issues.  Younger ones are probably trying to deal with suddenly finding themselves among the life-challenged segment of society, while older ones have had hundreds of years to develop personality quirks, hang-ups and a back story big enough to choke a horse.  And while this gives a ton of grist to the plot line, it can also bog down the book if you try to divulge it all.  A glimpse into the very different era that gave birth to your vampire can better be drawn from one or two incidents.

Fifth, vampires aren’t exactly nice guys.  However they started out, surviving so long in the supernatural world would require developing a certain amount of ruthlessness.  Even if your vampire is on the side of good, he is likely to respond to threats in a much more direct way than the average hero.  This may create certain ethical problems for a modern heroine used to the due process of law, and be a good way to introduce tension into the story.  On the other hand, it can make your hero a little hard to distinguish from your villain, if you aren’t careful.  In the vamps’ defense, the average historical figure—be he Viking raider, Scottish lord or English duke—wasn’t all that squeamish, either, when it came to defending what was his (or taking what he wanted). 

But what if you’ve written a great vampire book, yet still get hit with the question “why would anyone want to date a vamp?” Here’s a few quick replies:

Top Ten Reasons to Date a Vampire

10.  They sleep all day, so no complaints about how much time you
        spend with the girls.

9.   They usually have Renfield-types hanging around who can be
       used for running errands, general house cleaning and pest
       control.

8.   Superhuman strength means no more struggles to open jars.

7.   Easy storage in a basement or closet (so they don’t take over               your house).

6.   Personal protection is no longer a worry.

5.   They never ask you to cook for them.

4.   Most come from an era when men actually knew how to dance.

3.   They have stock portfolios going back centuries.

2.   They don’t age.

1.   And the top reason for dating a vamp—centuries of practice!